Explanations and Empathy: for the Stuff in the Basement
Sometimes… we want an explanation from someone
We want an explanation from the one that hurt our heart, abandoned us, or destroyed our hopes and dreams. The person that poured their unresolved grief into our own soul. We want it. We ache to know their reasons why so that we may try to understand. Because maybe their “why” would mean we hurt a little less… but it probably won’t. And yet we struggle so greatly to move forward without this explanation, reason, or why.
Holding onto “Why?”
We search and swim through the depth of our hearts for the grace and tranquillity of forgiveness as we bathe in our own anger, sadness, and loss- and still we can’t come up clean. Because we are still holding onto “why”.
It is the pain of not knowing that continues to burn within, beacuse it keeps calling to us, and we create a toughened shell over that bed of sorrow that we protect so deeply inside. We need to break through this shell, it is of our own making. Most importantly, each of us are responsible for clearing the stuff in our basement. Through love and understanding we find our own way to heal and break through the emotional barriers we internally create.
Ultimately, we cannot push or manipulate others into justifying what they feel is right for them. Even if it caused us great emotional grief in the process. Furthermore, all this does is aggravate both sides… the one that so desperately wants to know, and the one who feels they cannot express, or chooses not to.
Empathy speaks to us in those silent moments, away from our wounded ego and our wondering heart, in those empty spaces where questions run riot like lost and rejected soldiers. It tells us that each soul is worthy, valued, loved and honoured and we only ever need to face our own shadows, our own pain… and to be our own mirror.
Far away tears – A poem for the pain (from Exit Point: Arrows from a Rebel Heart)
“There are words I want to speak
But my heart can’t find the way
So my soul cries them out
Little by little
Tear by tear
Drop by drop
Against my cheek
Those tears are my words
Those tears are my pain
Those tears are pieces of me
Tucked away where no one can see
Beyond the shadows
And far away”
We cannot heal another’s pain, or foolishly stay stuck in hurt waiting for a “why” or an explanation that we may never receive. But we can redirect and courageously journey toward the mending of our own heart.
Spend time with your sorrow, sit with your grief, uncover your anger, and move through your fears. Dig deep to what hides itself in the basement of your soul so that you may find the light to shine your way through.
Face your pain and what you’ll find is all the love you kept hidden inside your heart- Christine Evangelou